How to become a better person- 7 easy ways

Everybody wants to become a better person, besides me (I already reached perfection ten years ago, but then decided it is too boring and became human again). Well, there are seven easy ways that will help you reach your life goal of being a better person:

1. Stop eating Klondike bars

I know that they taste good, because they have this awesome chocolate shell that surrounds a heaven of yummy ice-cream that literally melts in your mouth. But eating to many of them will not make you become better, faster, or healthier, so please send those bars from now on to me instead when you have the urge to eat one.

2. Teach your children things you know

Nothing tops giving information from one generation to the other, especially if you do it. Teaching children is actually the only thing that keeps our human race alive (until the world goes down in 2012, I wonder if Sarah Palin running for office will cause it) and will also improve your life. Remember when the cop was behind you and had his lights on, ready to pull you over, but instead of stopping you kept on driving and actually got away? Yeah! Show your kid how to do that, because eventually knowledge is power!

3. Write a poem

Writing a poem is an excellent way to improve yourself, especially when you write on paper that smells like roses with real ink and a feather. Yummy… feathers. You don’t have to write a good poem, it does not have to be long, as long as you give it a try, for example:

Milk Chocolate and I will be friends forever,
Because chocolate makes me happy and clever.
In fact, it should rule the world instead of money,
Then we will live in a world full of milk and honey.

Not that great, but I am not the one who wants to be a better person.

4. Waking up at 4 am, every day.

You might deny it, but God does not like people who sleep until 7 and for sure he hates people that sleep until 12. So buying yourself an alarm clock, no, buying yourself a couple of chicken that will wake up as early as possible will make you a better person. Then you will also have time to do all the great things you were never able to do because of too much sleep, such as calling the cops on your neighbors, getting a job, or even cooking dinner.

5. Learn how to swim

I am outraged by the amount of people in this country that do not know how to swim. Guess what, the lifeguard that will rescue you will not look like Pamela Anderson, so get over it and learn how to swim. Maybe you will save a life one day with this great talent and become the great hero of your town.

6. Invent something better than post-it notes

Just joking, everybody knows that this is not possible.

7. Donate money

Whether you give tips to a waitress, throw pennies on the ground, or send me a check for my college expenses, donations will make you a better person. You will feel better about yourself because you are not acting selfish and ignorant. By giving and making other people happy, you will feel happy to. So give it a try and have fun.

Did any of you become a better person already? Thank you for reading.